All the stars evolve but the story's the same

I haven't written in a few days, I know, but I hate posting when there's nothing really to say.

I am finally back on my real computer! Score! My dad got me this sweet-ass 80GB hard drive so it rules to be me. The only issue I'm having is getting the drivers for the sound card right, but once that is fixed, I can once again get everything back to normal, yay.

This week, I did my federal and state taxes. I feel totally grown up. And grown up in the good way, because I'm getting refunds from both. :::Gloat:::

Yesterday my grandpa drove me out to this roofing company some people in my family own/run... they're moving their office in April (quite close to home) and they may be hiring some more office workers, which could conceivably be me. I'm fairly optimistic about it but it's not as if I think I'll get it just because it's family and all. I hope that if I do get it, I wouldn't have to start stuff until they move because the drive out there right now is hella scary.

The groundhog saw his shadow on Wednesday, signifying another six weeks of winter. Boo. Yet, the weather has actually been so much nicer than it was. It's still cool, but the sun is out, and there's less fog. It's weird... I always used to prefer the fall/winter weather over the summer, but this year it's been like "Ugh, coldness, stop."

Today I went to Ross and got a really pretty top... it's black with these pink flowers and a pink ribbon at the bustline. I was surprised it actually fit and looked un-stupid considering I gained back all the weight I had lost. I actually had a sensible lunch (salad, fruit) and then ruined it by eating way too many chips and junk in the late afternoon. D'oh... and now my mom wants me to make cookies, and I will, and I will also eat some of them. Bleh.

Anyway, at Ross I also got these really neat notecards... it's a set with two designs called "Indian Miniatures." They're so pretty. I really need to start writing to people, because I have a whole bunch of notecards and envelopes up the wazoo, plus St. Jude keeps sending me address labels practically every few weeks to try to guilt-trip me into giving another donation. One of these weeks when I have money, it will probably work.

One of the things I am determined to get with my refund is a new hairstyle. I have had the same one since probably junior high. I'm scared though... I probably mentioned already somewhere my freakish attachment to my hair. I want to get something that is cute but not hard to take care of, because I just can't be bothered to put effort into... hell, hardly anything.

Writing is going so-so. Now that I'm back to having everything as it should be, I am determined to move forward and finish this novel. Even if I never do anything with it (though I want to, if I can make it presentable enough), just completing it would make me feel, I don't know, accomplished or proud or some lovely notion.

Haha, earlier my mom was watching some decorating show and the woman whose house it was was talking about how PROUD she was of the work she and her family did, and how they had so much PRIDE, and I made some joke about the seven deadly sins, but then that made me think of "Seven" and the scariness of Kevin Spacey in that movie.

"Detective.... DETECTIVE! You've been looking for me."

Looks like it's no sleep for me tonight. Yugh.

I sense a disturbance in my pants, ma'am

The title for this post isn't supposed to be symbolic of anything; I just heard Jimmy Neutron say it this morning, when my brother was watching cartoons in the living room.

Yesterday was pretty rad. I managed to shower early enough to go with my mom to a couple of garage sales. The first was actually one of my grandparents neighbors. They had a lot of junk but a lot of neat stuff, too. They had this hogmungous (like, Church-sized) old Bible. I would have gotten it if I had $10 to spend on a book I would probably not read anyway. There was also this thing that looked like a butter churn but was this old bread mixer or something, and the recipe was on the lid. I got one thing as this garage sale: an abacus. Yeah, the weird old use-beads-for-counting thing. Of course I have no idea how to use it, but that what's the Internet is for; pornography, gossip, and learning to use an abacus.

The second was in Oakley. It was mostly crafty stuff and fabrics and such. They had these odd little turtle figurines... it was two turtles, and on the undersides, one had a penis, and the other had breasts and a vagina. I found them vaguely amusing as far as novelty items go, but this one guy at the garage sale (who obviously knew the people who lived there) thought they were HILARIOUS. He laughed for straight days, so of course his daughter wanted to see. "You can't see the turtles, honey." "Why not?" "They're not wearing panties." People are silly. I didn't find anything there, but my mom got some cute stuff and a couple of good, big shelves that were cheap.

Stopped by the grocery store real quick before coming home, where I cleaned my room, dusted my abacus (that sounds naughty) and then attempted to nap because I had a serious sinus headache. Nap failed, so I watched this old episode of "Law and Order" that had Zeljko Ivanek. He looked pretty dreamy. Homemade tacos for dinner (word!) while watching Judge Judy, and then I sat down and wrote for straight hours. Actually it wasn't that long... two and a half hours, maybe, but it was very productive, so I'm really glad. I still had a headache, but I stayed up for awhile before going to bed.

I have been having serious sleep issues lately. Last night is probably the worst example - I got in bed at 10, and didn't fall asleep until 11. Then, I woke up at 1 and didn't fall back asleep until after 3. I could not get comfortable in any way. When I did sleep, I had these... not even dreams, but like kind of hallucinations? I may have been half asleep. I woke up again just before 7, gave up, and got up. Boo.

I'm actually feeling quite a bit better, though. No headache today, and I decided on a whim to go to Target. I went with the intention of scoping out some stuff that would help organize my room, namely a CD rack and like plastic storage. Being me, I barely glanced at the CD rack and didn't even do the other thing. Instead, I did what any broke person does when they know they shouldn't buy stuff - I bought stuff. A really neat Swell bracelet with little flowers and leaves, and a tote bag that says "I (heart) shopping". It's so me. How could I not buy it?

This morning in the shower, for whatever reason, I started thinking about this teacher I was obsessed over in high school, and high school in general. After I got home from Target and had lunch, I dug out my old diary from that time, already cringing and such. Reading through wasn't as painful or humiliating as I thought it would be. There were a lot of good things I had forgotten about, and bad things too. It's really made me wonder how much I have or haven't changed since then, though. I was worried about pretty much the same things I worry about now - my friends, guys not being interested in me, my writing, blah blah blah.

Sometimes I think all it would take for me to get jumpstarted would be for someone to say to me, seriously, "Quit fucking around and get on with it, already." I always have been the kind of person who needs to be pushed into things.

Suicide for dummies

Alternate titles for this post:
The Idiot's Guide to Killing Yourself
Chicken Soup for the Suicidal Soul

No, I don't think suicide or suicidal feelings are something to poke fun at. Too many people, including yours truly, have felt that bad at least once in their life. But I think this guy really takes the cake. Having decided to kill himself, Juan Vasquez (or Valdez? some Hispanic name) parks his car (every news report needs for some reason to point out that it was an SUV) on the railroad tracks in Glendale, CA. At the last moment, he decides he either doesn't want to die this way, or at this time, and gets out of his car and runs away, leaving the car where it is... a chain reaction eventually leading to the death of at least 11 people and injuring over 100 more. He's now being held without bail in a jail ward of an unnamed hospital, where he has attempted suicide twice, to no avail. He will probably be charged with murder for each person dead, and might face THE DEATH PENALTY.

Now, why didn't Alanis mention something like this in "Ironic"?

Meanwhile, in another part of the world, Colin Farrell has to re-shoot love scenes with the 14-year-old co-star of a movie about Pocahontas and the British guy she gets involved with. Yeah, apparently someone who saw the dailies of Colin and the girl going at it were terribly offended so they had to re-do it and blah blah.

Why can't I be the Native American teenager who not only makes out with Colin Farrell, but got PAID to make out with Colin Farrell, and then has to make out with him again? Some people have all the luck, and some people have to read about it on the IMDB gossip, I mean news column.

I got this spam e-mail today promoting "Mortgage assistance - the Christian way!" What do they do? Give you cash back from the collection plate? Get Jesus to plague your current enemy (that is, mortgage company) with locusts unless they lower your interest rate? I'm really curious. Not curious enough to actually read the e-mail, though.

This morning I was amused to see that either Red Lobster or Sizzler has changed their commercial about shrimp cocktails. In it, a guy is fantasizing about said shrimp cocktail, and imagines himself running on a beach towards the shrimp with open arms. Up until today, every time I've seen this commercial, the shrimp's tail or whatever is curled up towards the guy. This morning, I noted that the tail is now in the back. I always thought tail in front looked kind of weird, but I have a dirty mind, so I didn't think they'd ever change it. I wonder who complained? The Christians who are ranting about gay Spongebob, I suppose. I wonder if they're also the same ones trying to assist me with my mortgage? It's a small world.

Anyway, about commercials, I'm looking forward to Superbowl XWhatever this year, to see what good old Budweiser has come up with. My only hope for the big game this year is that there's no stupid booby mama drama - not because I'm offended by breasts (that would make showering difficult) but because it was REALLY BORING to have to deal with the 11 months of complaining that followed.

Besides, if there's going to be nudity, I want it to be something I DON'T see everyday, like cute male bum for instance.

We don't need this fascist groove thang

I woke up this morning thinking one thing: I don't feel like crap.

I'm not completely well yet, indeed no; my nose is still stuffily and I have a cough, but the vague fever and the general stupidity is gone. Not my own natural stupidity, just the kind that comes from being sick. I predict total wellness by the weekend, just in time to... sit at home because I have no money and all my friends hate me (well, not all of them). Damn.

I've been having dreams in which I'm acting like even more of an idiot than I really do. Sunday night, I had one where I was in a combination hospital/movie theater/Costco (?) and I was using a backpack. I was waiting in line for who knows what, and feel someone trying to get into my backpack, so I turn around and it's this annoying kid who says something like, "Well, you should watch it more carefully if you don't want people to steal." I'm looking through the bag and realize I can't find my glasses, so I start searching the whole place before I remember I left them back in the hospital, where I'd been getting a massage. Dur!

And in the one last night, I was waiting for it to be time to go hang out with EC and JH, and I decided to walk around this place that looked kinda like my old college. I go to this kind of deserted part in the building to get a drink from the soda machine, and this creepy looking guy comes up so I scream "Get the fuck away from me!" and it turns out he's a cop. I'm really embarrassed but he thinks it's funny, and invites me to go and talk with him and his cop friends for awhile.

Yesterday I was in super-need-chocolate mode and made my dad buy the Herschey's brownies mix. Mmm. By the time I actually made them in the evening, though, most of my craving had passed. Boo. It was still good, and I still ate them, but I didn't need them like I had been. My PMS-ness has now morphed into the wanting-crunchy-salty-food stage. You know you're stupid when you can't keep up with yourself.

I heard a news report this weekend about these whiny Christians who are whining (predictably) about this video being distributed to a lot of elementary schools. The video has little bits from popular cartoon characters, most notably Spongebob Squarepants, and was designed to teach kids about getting along and acceptance and diversity and all that. The "offensive" thing is apparently a little message on the website of the creator, who wants to promote tolerance among people of all races, religions, genders, and... :::ominous music::: sexual orientations.

How does that press conference go? "Well, we agree that racism and sexism are bad, but we still think gay bashing is okay."

I don't necessarily want non-gay-approving Christians to give up their stance and embrace homosexuals (although I think it would be nice if they did do that), but I don't see why it's so bad to teach kids to be at least tolerant. Even if you think it's wrong and a sin, that doesn't make it right to create an atmosphere where people are bullied, terrorized and humiliated because of something they can't change. Besides, to my understanding, there isn't anything in the video that actually "promotes homosexuality" (whatever that means); it's just the website message that people are getting their undies in a twist over.

It's not quite as stupid as the scandalous gay Teletubby incident, but it really doesn't make good publicity for conservatives, either.

"Oh, my ovaries!"

Welcome to Crampville, population me. Yeah, enough about that.

So I now officially have a cold. Bummer. And once again, modern medicine has failed to relieve my symptoms. There is no combination of Tylenol Cold, Nyquil and Dayquil that can make me feel even vaguely human or useful.

Saturday, I got my W-2 from my old job... I'm scared to file taxes. Well, not so much that, but I'm afraid I'll mess up terribly and end up owing the IRS a trillion dollars. I'd like to blame my bad math skills on the sexist American public school system, but really, I'm just lazy. I never saw the point of learning to do long division manually when you can use a calculator. Also, there's too many rules involving numbers. I only like rules and laws when you can make them mean different things; two plus two is always four, and that just sucks.

While watching "The OC" on Thursday, I attempted to make a yummy drink from my bartending book called 'Bee Stung Lips.' It sounded good - honey, rum and cream - and it probably is good if it's made right. I must not have, and it was not fun times. I couldn't even decide what was wrong with it - too much honey or too much rum or too much cream. Boo.

So yeah, I guess Marissa and Alex (a girl-Alex) on "The OC" are going to kiss. Apparently some people are upset about this, but I don't see the point. It has to be at least more interesting than the Roseanne/Whichever-Hemingway kiss that happened super years ago. I don't know about anyone else, but my family has watched enough portrayals of gay sex on HBO shows to not be embarrassed about seeing anything as banal as two high school girls smooching. Thanks, "Six Feet Under", for arranging for my parents and I to watch a dude get a blowjob. No, really.

Now that I think about it, I can't wait for SFU to start up again. With the lack of fist-fighting on "The OC", I'm so not meeting my recommended daily allowance of melodrama.

Blow beautiful with Thermasilk

I think I'm getting the cold my brother and sister have. It sucks to be me. And I was considering leaving the house today... no, really... shut up.

So now my pretty bloggie is on my pretty website... yay. I feel semi-smart for having figured out how it works.

I have nothing to say, really. This morning I woke up at 4 and didn't fall back asleep for at least an hour. When I did get back to sleep, I had this weird dream where I went to this public place (a bank maybe? I was only in the lobby) with the sole purpose of using a pay phone to call a phone sex line. It wasn't a real one, though, it was a free 800 number, and when I talked to the woman who answered, I was only telling her how I couldn't really talk because I was in a public place. There is probably some deep Freudian interpretation of this but my head feels too stupid to attempt it.

I've been amusing myself with "I Love the 90's" part 2. It's mostly okay, but there was a hilarious part where they were talking about The Cranberries and the song "Zombie." The Modern Humorist guys almost made me wet my pants, imitating Dolores O'Riordan's little Irish voice. "And their bombs." "And their guns." "And their bombs." "And I believe they had bombs also." Word.

I watched too much TV this week, actually. My mom and I watched the first two "American Idols"... so bad. I like to watch early on, to see the bad singers, which isn't nice but it is pretty funny. They seem to come in two groups. The first are the ones who you can kinda tell know they're bad, but give it a shot anyway, and usually walk out crying. The other group is made of seemingly nice, normal people with terrible voices who are convinced they're really great... and when they don't make it, they flip out and start having tantrums and cussing like sailors. I actually prefer the psychos to the nice ones, who get all sappy and trite and say things like "Well, I guess it wasn't meant to be, but God still wants me to be a famous singer" or whatever. I kind of doubt it, dude.

I actually made breakfast this morning. Ham and eggs, hash browns and biscuits. It all sounds really impressive (at least to me), but the hash browns and the biscuits were both frozen so all I had to do was heat them up. It was yum, but I wish we had scones. I heard "they" are changing the food pyramid. They should add a category especially for scones... mmm.

Now I must either go to write, or sleep.

Thinking of you keeps me up all night

I just read an article about "Jane Roe", the woman in the 1970's Roe v. Wade Supreme Court case that legalized abortion. Ms. Roe (I can't recall her real name) is now asking them to overturn the decision. Huh?

Here's a comparable, if not inappropriately jovial, situation:

"Well, your honor, back then I thought it was my right, and the right of women everywhere, to have a chocolate chip cookie if I wanted or needed one. Now that time has gone by, and we've done more cookie research, I realize that chocolate chip cookies are harmful and nobody should be allowed to have one."

It's not as if I think everyone should have my opinion. Just because I am "pro-choice" doesn't mean that I'm anti-life, or that I like abortion. I think it would be great if the only babies conceived were wanted, and that they would all be born healthy and into happy, stable homes. But the things that happen when abortion is illegal are worse than what happens when they aren't. Keeping abortion legal, you have at least the chance to save the life of the woman.

What really burns my ass about the whole debate is that so many (not all) of the anti-abortion people are also against the things that could prevent it from happening, such as sex education and contraceptives. I also don't understand the militants who try to do things like blow up clinics or murder doctors who perform the procedure, or women who undergo it. I haven't heard of one pro-choice person yet who forced someone to have an abortion.

I could go on at this for a number of hours, but I'm already pissed and I'm only talking to myself, here.

Happier things:

Last week, I used my cool new cocktail shaker to make a Cosmpolitan with the mix EC sent me. It was pretty good but really, really strong. I don't think I've had vodka at all before. My tolerance must be better than I thought because I drank it while watching Jeopardy! and still got most of the questions right. The purple sugar I used around the rim of the glass was so yum. Empty calories rock.

This is actually an unhappy item - I did some aerobics for the first time in... some terrible amount of weeks on Sunday night and did very, very bad. Ow...

"I Love the 90's" part 2 started Monday night. I figure that, with the 70's, two 80's series, and now two 90's series, I will have wasted fifty hours of my life watching random VH1 trivia. I don't think any time spent watching Michael Ian Black and Hal Sparks could be called "wasting" time, though. Hee hee.

Now, I am heading off for an early lunch so I can come back afterwards and do some writing, yay.